She Said No...

January 9, 2026

Andrew Hedinger

I was seven years old the first time a girl refused to marry me. We were living in Mexico, and I had just told my best friend that one day, when we were older, we were going to get married, move far away, and get rich. “No,” she said. “When I am grown up, I am going to live at home and take care of my mother.” I don’t remember how I responded at the time. Given our ages, I am sure we quickly moved on. But years later, reflecting on this short interaction, I realized that even at our young ages, there were cultural patterns that had come into conflict in this interaction.  

I spent most of my formative years in Mexico, but I was educated with a U.S. based school curriculum and the formative stories I read and watched came, primarily, from a U.S. context. Because of this, I was culturally more American than Mexican. Without knowing it, I learned certain patterns of thought that I assumed were normal and universal. I grew up reading about Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett. I came to believe that the primary building block of society was the individual. Books like Captains Courageous by Rudyard Kipling, taught me that growing up involved gaining independence, becoming my own man, and making an impact on the world. It didn’t occur to me that I may need to sacrifice that independence and freedom to care for others in my group. 

My friend, on the other hand, grew up with a different set of cultural patterns. The stories she heard growing up, the people she interacted with, taught her that the individual is not the primary building block of society; instead, the group is more important than the individual, and one must sacrifice their independence to care for their group. She knew her responsibility was to her group, more than to herself. 

Cultural patterns include everything from basic beliefs about the nature of the universe, to everyday customs such as what time people eat and what food is appropriate at different times of the day. Different cultures have different patterns of knowledge, different ways of gauging whether an idea is true; they have different patterns of interaction that define who can talk to whom, when, and about what. For a cross-cultural minister to be effective in a language and culture other than their own, it is vital for them to begin to learn these cultural patterns. CultureBound teaches cross-cultural ministers the attitudes, skills, and knowledge that can help them begin to learn these patterns so that they can work effectively in the patterns of their new culture. By entering into the patterns of life of the culture to which they’ve gone, cross-cultural ministers can share the gospel in a way that is both true to the gospel and also meets the heart needs of the people they serve.  

In many respects, Jesus is our model for cross-cultural ministry. In Philippians 2 Paul says that Jesus, “who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity. And when he had come as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death – even to death on a cross.” (Philippians 2: 6-8 CSB). Jesus left behind the patterns of life of heaven and entered into our patterns of life. The Apostle John, thinking about this same thing, said, “What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we have observed and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life – that life was revealed, and we have seen it…” (1 John 1:1-2a). Jesus so entered into our reality that we could see him, touch him, hear him. For Jesus, leaving the cultural patterns of heaven and entering the cultural patterns of our world, meant entering into suffering and pain. It meant being hungry, thirsty, and tired. Yet, because Jesus came and dwelt among us, John could say, “We saw him…we heard him…we truly know who he is and that he loves us.”  

Cross-cultural ministers learn cultural patterns different from their own so that they can share the love of Jesus with those who have not heard. They seek to adorn the gospel by demonstrating the love of God through Jesus in the lives of those around them. To do so well, they must do more than show up; they must enter into the life and cultural patterns of the people to whom they have gone so that they can demonstrate God’s love in a way that is meaningful in their new context.  

Andrew Hedinger grew up as a missionary kid in central Mexico. He now lives with his wife and children in Portland, Oregon where he serves as the Director of Admissions for Western Seminary.